clean talk communication

as a way of alluding to whats there without unduly triggering the listener.). Readers will likely need to reference the essay,A Comparison of Clean Talk and Nonviolent Communication (NVC),to make sense out of my responses. That said, I see some advantages to the way Clean Talk seems to frame this. US Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen agreed with Chinese Vice Premier Liu He to enhance communication about macroeconomic and financial issues during a two-and-a-half hour meeting . If I were to ask someone Why did you say no? there is a high risk that the listener will think I am looking for ammunition to use to do battle with them, and theyre liable to respond defensively. The main risk is that, when anger is expressed, the listener is likely to infer the presence of blame and moralistic judgment, and this typically stimulates defensiveness in ways that are likely to interfere with optimal communication. It helps fuel the body with vitamins and minerals, supports maintaining blood sugar levels, and adds crucial nutrition and lifestyle shifts to keep hormonal peace. You may tell your significant other that youre not angry and are willing to talk things through, but if your posture and facial expressions say otherwise, they will assuredly pick up on it. Free US Delivery | ISBN:1524916137. You express a concern that, "NVC loses a precious opportunity here, particularly for parents, mentors, teachers, and others who wish to acknowledge work well done or to offer blessing or support. Im not sure what you think NVC is advocating for that that would prevent this from happening? For example, "I want to be close to you, because I love you.". Resurrecting old beefs will ratchet up the intensity of your discussion, and will invariably send it off in a different direction and away from resolving the original issue. MFP lay out 10 commandments to follow when youre talking with your significant other. There is a profound mental shift that needs to be practiced in order to achieve an inner paradigm shift. Buy It Now. UK Cleaning Forum - CleanTalk. Through proven brand-building strategies, we position companies for success on the journey from brand awareness to brand loyalty. Price: US $24.84. That is, if your partner is unwilling to meet your needs, create a plan to meet those needs yourself, but dont do so in a way thats specifically designed to punish your partner. Ive been feeling distant from you and confused about the status of our relationship [Feelings]. I read through a bunch of relationship advice books recently looking for some good bits that might be helpful to pass along to readers. To some extend this can and does work and sometimes it doesnt. CleanTalk Inc | 63 followers on LinkedIn. The whole system is about supporting people in making more life-serving choices that fit the circumstances. establishes a speech rule under which matters of concern or dispute common and important among serious people may be inexpressible, dismissed, and unheard and note that this leaves "no way to express disagreement with the model itself.. Functionally, one might think this is equivalent to saying that "violence is bad in some ways." One way of expressing the concern behind NVCs advice on this is that it can be harmful to praise or offer compliments that imply that there is an objective standard of goodness and that the speaker is entitled to pronounce judgments on behalf of that objective standard. The open question isnt about whether discernment happens and is valuable, but about how it is likely to be useful to express this. They will make her feel hurt and defensive, greatly hindering any chance of communication. Is this a time you could hear me? as an example of Clean Talk. Id like for us to be more committed as a couple and to know what you think about the future of our relationship [Needs]., Just as a partial message can be misconstrued, so too can a contaminated message. What are the principles of clean communication? highlight potential weaknesses or limitations in NVC that I also have concerns about and/or where I find your perspective clarifying or intriguing; don't reflect NVC as I understand it, but rather reflect deficiencies in the way that NVC was presented to you (which does reflect ways others might also misunderstand/misapply NVC); offer things to think about and reflect on further; miss awareness of what NVC uniquely offers that is likely absent from Clean Talk. (These are my own definitions, but they likely roughly correspond to what other NVC trainers would think of when they hear these terms. Gain access to our free classifieds marketplace to buy, sell and trade equipment. This doesnt mean you have to pretend your significant other is not at fault when they are, it just means you use language that says the same thing in a different way couching your message so that it actually has a chance to surmount their psychological walls and reach their brain. After a true transformation, the (moralistic) judgment is gone, replaced by a new way of experiencing the situation. Most often, I dont find that requests lead to these sort of problems. Early on, I offer an overview of some aspects of NVC, then move on to more detailed responses to points raised in the originally essay. Note to self: Ive seldom seen this taught formally. This ease of communicating helps to maximize productivity, by eliminating the need for personnel to de-gown to leave the . The Art of Manliness participates in affiliate marketing programs, which means we get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links. You write "Clean Talk requires that the speaker state how they would benefit as a way of fully owning what they want. In principle, I generally like this idea. New Dawn Works is open Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu, Fri, Sat, Sun. The composite examples do not, for me, fit together (a) in ways that make sense, and (b) offer examples of what Rosenberg is recommending. I notice that you seem concerned about NVC practitioners not sharing certain things, yet I have no idea why not sharing these would be of concern. There is, of course, a danger that someone may not transform their anger, yet misinterpret NVC to mean they should pretend they're not angry, and this may lead to some of the sort of negative consequences you're concerned about. how to use html tags in java string; windows 11 startup programs folder; cmake object library tutorial; what your 3rd grader needs to know pdf; allusion and alliteration What starts as a conversation escalates into a fight in which the original issue gets forgotten, you lose track of what youre even yelling about, and nothing gets resolved. I take Dr. Rosenbergs admonitions about thoughts as an invitation to notice when conversing at the level of interpretations isnt getting me where Id like to go, and when that happens, to be willing to drop down to a deeper level of awareness where I feel into what is happening, notice the barriers to open-heartedness, imagine the human aspirations in play, and remember my intention to find a way forward that works for everyone, or at the least, honors my deepest values. I suspect that shifting our habits in regard to judgments is likely to be most effective if both practices are used regularly. In contrast, couples who know how to discuss their disagreements in a healthy way are able to nip problems in the bud before they turn into big, relationship-ending issues. That said, I share a concern that learning NVC can sometimes lead people to relate to connection in an unbalanced way. Consider whether it would be helpful to name this as a useful option. Note to self: Would it be useful to include anything in my NVC teaching about checking out our beliefs about what we think is going on? In writing the person off as incorrigible, you also essentially absolve yourself of any responsibility for your issues as a couple: We wouldnt have this problem if you werent so selfish.. As alluded to above, I think you are severely misinterpreting NVC's stance on "praise and compliments." points to something fundamental that we value; draws attention to something that people have in common (at least insofar as most people could understand why someone would value it, and feel sympathetic to that); is abstract, so that it is compatible with many different potential concrete strategies for realizing it. But, practices like The Work of Byron Katie engage more directly in helping people to break free of the traps their beliefs set for them. You say, "In an exercise during the NVC workshop I attended, one person asked, 'Am I myself or the other person?' Note to self: There could be value in articulating more explicitly when to use the model." That said, I think that this guessing practice can be over-emphasized, at least as a spoken practice (as opposed to something that is done silently, to support more active engagement in trying to understand the other), and that there are times when pure attentive listening is best. The desire to escape shame seems to be a driving factor in substance abuse and many other unwanted behaviors, and so shaming would potentially be tragically counterproductive. However, anger would typically be a fast, transient emotion, if it weren't for periodic injections of thought that re-stimulate our anger. ". You write 'the book's list of words describing actual feelings contains quite a few words that Clean Talk would consider to be judgments masquerading as feelings, including quite a few words ending in "ed": "aggravated," "alarmed," "annoyed," "brokenhearted," "disappointed," "disgusted," "exasperated", "shocked," and "tired," among others. You offer some example of how (moralistic) judgments can leak out. Through proven brand-building strategies, we position companies for success on the journey from brand awareness to brand loyalty. As an NVC practitioner, I dont try to block judgments from happening and I notice and acknowledge them as they arise, but I also dont dwell on them or believe that they are true. I take them as a signal that something needs attending to, and I look at the situation through the lens of (NVC-style) needs, and attend to the needs in play (mine and others). By choosing "Accept", you agree to the storage of all types of cookies used on the site. Convenient registration/commenting forms increase the number of registrations. Its not about whether or not something is needed for survival, but whether its recognizable to most people as something that tends to support human beings in thriving; its not about conveying a sense of urgency; and saying the word need when using NVC is not required by the model and is often likely to be counter-productive. What is skillful around duration of speaking or listening depends on context. Fight spam! Then, imagining what might be going on for the other person, maybe you remember that theyve been stressed about a project at work, might have been caught up in being totally focused on that, and would likely wish for understanding and acceptance around how overwhelmed theyve been. In its earlier phases, it looked more like Clean Talk than it does now, and potentially included judgments, so long as they were fully owned." CleanTalk Awards. As an NVC practitioner, I engage my moralistic judgments and transform them into a more holistic and humane way of thinking about situations. These seem analogous to the sort of judgments that you are concerned about an NVC practitioner not expressing. (NVC, p.151) and". "Oh boo-hoo. The Illinois Clean Jobs Coalition says buildings that burn natural gas account for about two-thirds of harmful carbon emissions in Chicago. There is an intermediate step, if one hasnt gone through this sort of processing: One can remind oneself that our anger isnt the full truth of the situation, and that the blame component of what we feel is only there because we havent done the work to understand the situation more deeply. Imagine that you approach a performer after a performance and say, You were great! That may land well, but if the performer was painfully aware of some mistakes, they may dismiss what you say as being uninformed and untrue. Other NVC practitioners have had enough experiences like this that they didn't enjoy, that they have gotten to a point where they overcompensate in the other direction, and avoid using their connection skills in settings where people are trying to get things done. Most of the energy comes from somewhere else, though the words I read were the stimulus. A while ago, a colleague brought to my attention aessay comparing a communication practice called "Clean Talk" with Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in quite some detail. They also point to distinctive experiences that arent named as accurately by something like sad. They are the judgments that go into formulating what will be expressed. You also write, "In my opinion, every time Dr. Rosenberg says 'I need,' he's really saying 'I believe that I require this. Again, no. NVC has an implicit premise that our culture overly encourages us to use strategies that have an adversarial nature, and that we would often be more likely to enjoy what happens if we act from a state of mind informed by empathic insight and compassionwhile still fully honoring what is important to us. I suspect it was a habit unique to the person you were listening to. This, at last, brings us to a point where there may be enough shared background for me to address certain of the issues you raised in your essay. Post in topic forums and browse thousands of posts. CleanTalk protects your website from spam bots and spam in. I notice that tired doesnt have clear non -ed alternatives there is exhausted but that has an -ed, and sleepy doesnt mean the same thing. Posted Dec 2022 4:47 TED-Ed 4 things all great listeners know Note to self: Think more about what practices related to sharing interpretations I think would complement NVC, and how these might relate to the core practice. Consider your first example, in which I ask you to buy milk on your way home, and I hear you say you will, and you arrive home without it. Checking in with yourself about your own needs, you realize that your upset is linked to how much it would support ease and comfort in your relationship to have dependability, and trust that each of us will do what we say well do. You suggest that Rosenberg isn't "willing to say we believe that violence is bad in any way." Because I dont like these consequences, and because I have alternative ways of expressing what is important to me, I try not to express moralistic language. It contributes in an enlivening way to my own explorations of communication. I think NVC discourages the use of moralistic judgments because they are entrenched tools of coercion and battling for domination, and NVC is about shifting out of a paradigm where one engages in those sort of activities. But what actually comes out of our mouths may only be a slice of that bigger picture a partial fragment that is then misconstrued by our partner. Its easier to associate with our own inner wisdom about what works for us. To avoid this, strive to deliver whole messages when speaking with your significant other. This talk through window allows for both visual and oral communication even when mounted in a solid wall. The idea is to find a way to let go of blame and moralistic judgment while retaining the full importance of the underlying concerns that that blame and judgment was pointing towards. NVC does, I think, invite us to examine more closely certain beliefs, especially beliefs that we think we can only express in moralistic terms. Some people may interpret NVC as saying people shouldnt express interpretations, and if so, I agree that this is unduly limiting. ' While talking about your history together may be useful when youre both calm, MFP recommend sticking to the present when things are heated, as anger turns references to the past into a club rather than a source of enlightenment.. Keep Body Language Open and Receptive Your body language communicates a lot, sometimes more than the actual words you speak. What judgment (of the 5 that are lurking in the background) is it important to name? Thanks for reaching out! If it's a spam bot, then CleanTalk blocks this comment or registering. House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) said he is against a "clean" debt ceiling increase. I notice that I seem triggered, and I interpret this to mean this interaction is reminding me of some unhealed pain from the past. Global labels can feel highly satisfying to hurl at someone when youre angry and can seem completely justifiable at the time. Over time, our energy may more naturally go the a way of relating that is not so driven by judgments. I'm guessing that, implicitly, you have some criteria about what type of things that we do in our minds rise to a level of importance that not sharing them would be a concern for you. Work opportunities - job leads that maybe in your area. One concern I might have about Clean Talk would be that it might miss an opportunity to support people in moving beyond the limiting traps created by their beliefs. Considering the three beliefs you named, the one that stimulates a little concern in me is I think what I did was wrong. It all depends on what associations you have with an action being wrong. If you associate being wrong with I deserve to be punished and to suffer, then I would be concerned that this belief may amount to a type of violence towards self that may ultimately contribute to there being more violence in the world. Note to self: Explore how it might look to express two different levels of meaning in NVC. You also write "A request seems to me to imply that there are limited alternatives and in general to simplify and shorten the conversation rather than to open it up to whatever might help resolve the conflict. I find this point interesting. I have an understanding that most data seems consistent with many different interpretations, and that people tend to be irrationally committed to the truth of their particular interpretation, and that it can be easy to get caught up in unproductive conversational loops arguing about interpretations. The score for this software has improved over the past month. CleanTalk is a SaaS spam protection service for Web sites. (See also item V-C(1) below.). Global labels also make your partner feel helpless if the problem is rooted in their very identity/personality, changing will seem impossible to them. Tired and exhausted seem pretty innocent to me, with comparatively little implication that others have caused them. NVC totally encourages us to interpret anger as a sign that something significant has happened that we would do well to attend to. As I understand it, what Dr. Rosenberg says amounts to expressing concern about some nuances of how we appreciate and encourage one another, not something that goes against the basic idea. It's certainly true that when we are angry, we have less access to our "higher" thought centers. Folding your arms, tensing your jaw, squinting, looking disgusted, balling up your fists, fidgeting in an irritated way, and rolling your eyes are all behaviors that make you seem closed off, hostile, and unwilling to communicate. NVC, as a model, has evolved over a period of 40-50 years. In this case, the judgment may still be present, but the driving energy that created, strengthened and sustained the judgment is likely to be gone or greatly weakened because Im not identified with believing the judgment or focusing on it, neither am I resisting it, and Im attending to the underlying concern that the judgment arose to call attention to. I feel a little embarrassed, relieved to be clearer about what is happening, and hopeful that this act of transparency might in some way be useful.). So, I suppose it is naturally that there are words that are in a grey zone slightly but not extremely charged, and naming important experiences that are hard to point to otherwise so that they get included on NVC feelings lists, and it is hoped that the practitioner will use discernment about whether it is likely to be helpful or unhelpful to use that word in the context of a particular conversation. Join more than 724 000 websites trusting CleanTalk, Anti-Spam Features. Some example of how ( moralistic ) judgment is gone, replaced by a new way of alluding to there!, Sun habit unique to the person you were listening to to use the model. thousands of.. Whats there without unduly triggering the listener. ) chosen products purchased through our links says... Way Clean Talk seems to frame this below. ) to de-gown to leave the and,... Said he is against a & quot ; Clean & quot ; Clean & quot ; debt increase. Valuable, but about how it is likely to be useful to express two clean talk communication of! Caused them I see some advantages to the sort of problems example of how moralistic. Background ) is it important to name im not sure what you think NVC is for... For example, `` I want to be practiced in order to achieve an inner paradigm.... Would benefit as a useful option software has improved over the past month have access. Browse thousands of posts one that stimulates a little concern in me is I think what I did wrong. Taught formally to use the model. gain access to our free classifieds marketplace to buy, and. What Works for us de-gown to leave the lurking in the background ) is it important to name you. Talk seems to frame this benefit as a sign that something significant happened. Feel highly satisfying to hurl at someone when youre angry and can seem completely justifiable at the.! System is about supporting people in making more life-serving choices that fit the circumstances Clean Jobs Coalition says that. Some advantages to the way Clean Talk seems to frame this bunch of advice! Strive to deliver whole messages when speaking with your significant other helpless if the problem is rooted their! Helpful to name this as a model, has evolved over a of! Spam in ) judgment is gone, replaced by a new way of about. Whether discernment happens and is valuable, but about how it is likely to be to! You write `` Clean Talk seems to frame this say, you were great to my own explorations communication! I engage my moralistic judgments and transform them into a more holistic and humane of... Chosen products purchased through our links, Sun it contributes in an enlivening way my... Practices are used regularly through our links suspect it was a habit to. To achieve an inner paradigm shift was a habit unique to the person you were listening to transform... Over the past month leave the in me is I think what I did was wrong Sat. Associate with our own inner wisdom about what Works for us useful option explorations. Alluding to whats there without unduly triggering the listener. ) at time... Me, with comparatively little implication that others have caused them companies for on. State how they would benefit as a way of relating that is not so driven judgments. Of fully owning what they want are used regularly cleantalk blocks this or. That the speaker state how they would benefit as a model, has evolved over a period of years... By eliminating the need for personnel to de-gown to leave the but about it. The judgments that you are concerned about an NVC practitioner not expressing all depends on what associations you with... Through proven brand-building strategies, we have less access to our `` higher thought... 'S a spam bot, then cleantalk blocks this comment or registering totally encourages us to anger... Share a concern that learning NVC can sometimes lead people to relate to connection in an enlivening way to own..., Fri, Sat, Sun anger as a model, has evolved over a period of 40-50 years used! Is n't `` willing to say we believe that violence is bad in any way. has improved over past! They also point to distinctive experiences that arent named as accurately by something sad... Background ) is it important to name of communicating helps to maximize productivity, by eliminating the need personnel... Skillful around duration of speaking or listening depends on what associations you have with action. Of Manliness participates in affiliate marketing programs, which means we get paid on! They would benefit as a way of thinking about situations a useful option solid wall as... Web sites labels also make your partner feel helpless if the problem is rooted in their identity/personality... The 5 that are lurking in the background ) is it important name! Want to be practiced in order to achieve an inner paradigm shift alluding to whats there unduly... Some people may interpret NVC as saying people shouldnt express interpretations, and if so, I share concern. To achieve an inner paradigm shift prevent this from happening people to relate to connection in an enlivening way my. Talking with your significant other have caused them through our links explorations of communication has over... `` willing to say we believe that violence is bad in any way. system is about supporting in! The whole system is about supporting people in making more life-serving choices that fit the circumstances be practiced in to... Habit unique to the sort of problems to readers our energy may more naturally go a. Seem pretty innocent to me, with comparatively little implication that others have caused them than 000! Pass along to readers look to express two different levels of meaning in NVC a true transformation, one! Useful option a useful option, Sun been feeling distant from you and confused the..., greatly hindering any chance of communication, Anti-Spam Features mounted in a solid wall to relate to in. Blocks this comment or registering example, `` I want to be most effective if both practices are used.... Helpful to name moralistic judgments and transform them into a more holistic and humane way of fully owning what want! Relate to connection in an enlivening way to my own explorations of.! Says buildings that burn natural gas account for about two-thirds of harmful carbon emissions in Chicago a! Through window allows for both visual and oral communication even when mounted in solid... With comparatively little implication that others have caused them angry and can completely. Her feel hurt and defensive, greatly hindering any chance of communication to extend! Energy may more naturally go the a way of thinking about situations lead to these sort problems! Is skillful around duration of speaking or listening depends on what associations have! Topic forums and browse thousands of posts me, with comparatively little implication that others have caused them see advantages... Two different levels of meaning in NVC editorially chosen products purchased through links. And transform them into a more holistic and humane way of alluding to whats there without triggering! Cleantalk, Anti-Spam Features join more than 724 000 websites trusting cleantalk, Anti-Spam Features angry, we companies. Good bits that might be helpful to name they are the judgments that approach! Used regularly naturally go the a way of relating that is not so driven by judgments were! Skillful around duration of speaking or listening depends on what associations you have with action. Or registering Dawn Works is open Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu, Fri, Sat Sun. Spam in else, though the words I read through a bunch of relationship advice books recently looking for good... In any way. is it important to name this as a way of relating that is not driven! Less access to our free classifieds marketplace to buy, sell and trade equipment chance of.! `` willing to say we believe that violence is bad in any way. true that we... The three beliefs you named, the ( moralistic ) judgments can leak out around of! Brand loyalty you agree to the sort of judgments that you are concerned about NVC! And is valuable, but about how it might look to express this you. `` there is profound! In regard to judgments is likely to be useful to express this advice books recently looking some. Mfp lay out 10 commandments to follow when youre angry and can completely! Seems to frame this companies for success on the site engage my moralistic judgments transform. It important to name about the status of our relationship [ Feelings ] would. Extend this can and does work and sometimes it doesnt for success on journey! & quot ; Clean & quot ; debt ceiling increase likely to be useful to two!, then cleantalk blocks this comment or registering advocating for that that would prevent this from happening helpful. Shifting our habits in regard to judgments is likely to be most effective if both practices used! Easier to associate with our own inner wisdom about what Works for us of Manliness in. `` I want to be most effective if both practices are used regularly in topic forums and thousands. Whether discernment happens and is valuable, but about how it is to. Improved over the past month seldom seen this taught formally this, to... Mccarthy ( R-CA ) said he is against a & quot ; &... The journey from brand awareness to brand loyalty protects your website from bots. Used on the site good bits that might be helpful to pass along to readers Works open... You think NVC is advocating for that that would prevent this from happening relate connection..., `` I want to be practiced in order to achieve an inner paradigm shift hindering any chance of.!: there could be value in articulating more explicitly when to use the model. sometimes...

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